Sometimes the first sign that something is wrong isn’t a dramatic argument. It’s the small tightening in your chest when your idea is overlooked again, when you agree to one more task you can’t take on, or when someone speaks about you as if you aren’t in the room.
That inner signal can be easy to dismiss. You might tell yourself to let it go, not make things awkward, or wait for a better moment. But a part of you may still be asking: Why not me? Why is this considered normal?
In Psychoastrology®, Eris can be used as a metaphor for that part of us: the loving disruptor who notices unfairness and exclusion and refuses to pretend everything is fine. This is a symbolic reflection, not deterministic astrology. It makes no claims about planetary events, positions, birth charts, or predictions.
In the mythological thread often associated with Eris, she is left off the guest list. Her exclusion comes first; discord follows. That sequence offers a thoughtful question: What if disruption sometimes begins not with a wish to cause trouble, but with the pain of being shut out, and the decision to name it?
Speaking up can be an act of self-respect
Self-advocacy is the practice of expressing your needs, limits, values, or concerns. It might mean asking a manager to clarify priorities, telling a family member that a joke hurt, requesting more information from a healthcare provider, or saying what you need in a relationship.
It doesn’t have to sound forceful. Sometimes it’s simply: “I see this differently.” “I need more time before I can answer.” “Please use my correct name and pronouns.” Or, “I’m not available to take that on.”
Silence can be a useful choice. It may offer time to think, help you avoid an unproductive exchange, or protect you in an unsafe situation. But when silence becomes the only option, when you repeatedly swallow your needs to keep the peace, it can take an emotional toll.
A 2021 meta-analysis of research on self-silencing and depression found a meaningful association between habitual self-silencing and depressive symptoms. This is an association, not proof that keeping quiet causes depression in every person. It does, however, invite us to notice the strain of routinely hiding our experience, particularly in environments where certain people are expected to be agreeable, accommodating, or quiet.
At work, the stakes can be felt in burnout, too. Research with nurses found that workplace silence was more strongly associated with burnout than speaking up was associated with lower burnout. It also points to the importance of psychological safety: people need to believe that raising a concern won’t simply be dismissed or punished. See the study on voice, silence, psychological safety, and burnout.
Anger can be information, not an instruction
Anger is often treated as something to suppress or something that must immediately be expressed. There is another possibility: anger can carry information. It may be telling you that a boundary was crossed, a value matters, or a norm that benefits some people is hurting others.
Listening to anger doesn’t mean acting on it without thought. Venting can bring temporary relief, but it may not help you make a request, change a pattern, or protect yourself. You can acknowledge the feeling and still choose a response that is clear rather than cruel.
A study exploring women’s experiences of anger found that it could arise in response to disrespect and unfairness. Participants described anger as potentially helping restore a sense of respect and reciprocity when it was understood and used constructively. Read the study on women’s anger.
The loving disruptor doesn’t have to humiliate someone or win a shouting match. Constructive disruption can sound like: “I want to pause here. We’ve moved past the concern I raised, and I’d like us to address it.” It names the problem without contempt and leaves room for a useful next step.
The cost of speaking up is not the same for everyone
“Just speak up” can sound encouraging, but it can overlook real risks. Speaking up may come with the possibility of retaliation, damaged relationships, loss of opportunities, or being labeled difficult. That risk, and the extra labor involved in explaining, correcting, or advocating, can be greater for LGBTQ people, people of color, neurodivergent people, and anyone whose “no” has historically been punished.
You are allowed to make your own safety calculation. You do not have to disclose, confront, educate, or correct every time in order to prove your courage. Sometimes the wisest choice is to get support, document what happened, find an ally, choose a safer setting, or not engage at all.
Picking your battles is strategic self-care, not cowardice. Courage isn’t recklessness, and disruption is never a license for cruelty or contempt. Ask what you can afford to risk, what support you have, and whether this moment is likely to help achieve what matters to you.
Everyday fairness can be quiet advocacy
Not every act of self-advocacy is a big conversation. Some of the most meaningful moments are small and ordinary:
- Correcting a misgendering, if it’s safe and welcome: “They use she/her pronouns.”
- Backing a colleague whose idea was overlooked: “I’d like to return to the point Jordan made.”
- Telling the truth about your capacity: “I can do this by Friday, but I can’t take on both tasks.”
- Asking a healthcare provider to explain a recommendation or discuss other options.
- Telling someone you care about, “I want to talk about this, but I need us to slow down.”
These sentences won’t fix every unfair system. They may still make a small pocket of room for respect, honesty, and choice.
A quick self-check: where am I swallowing something?
Take a moment to consider:
- A place I shrink: Where do I make myself smaller to avoid disapproval or conflict?
- A sentence I rehearse but never say: What do I wish I could express?
- A norm I quietly resent: What expectation feels unfair, one-sided, or no longer workable for me?
You don’t have to answer all three at once. Noticing is a beginning, not a demand to act immediately.
Try the “one honest sentence” experiment
Today, choose a low-stakes conversation and say one small, true sentence you might usually edit out. You could say, “I’d rather meet tomorrow,” “I don’t know yet,” or “That’s not quite what I meant.” Keep it manageable. The point isn’t to rehearse a confrontation; it’s to practice letting your real perspective have a little more space.
Before you speak, check in
- Is this about fairness?
- Is this the moment?
- What do I actually want to happen?
Your answers may help you decide whether to speak now, prepare, seek support, or step back. There is no single right answer for every situation.
You don’t have to figure it out alone
Sometimes silence began as protection. Maybe speaking honestly once led to punishment, rejection, or being misunderstood. Understanding that history doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to act before you’re ready. It can help you find more choices now.
Therapy can be a place to rehearse hard conversations, explore what you want to say, and untangle why silence once felt safest. A thoughtful approach to mental health and astrology can use symbolic reflection as a prompt for self-understanding, not as a prediction or a substitute for your own judgment. Whether you’re exploring anxiety and spirituality, relationship patterns, or personal transformation therapy, the aim is to make room for your lived experience and your agency. For some people, holistic therapy online offers an accessible setting to do that work.
The loving disruptor in you doesn’t need to be loud all the time. Sometimes courage is one clear boundary. Sometimes it is asking for help, choosing a safer moment, or deciding that you do not owe the room an explanation. Your voice belongs to you, and so does the choice of when and how to use it.
Reflection prompts
- What do I hope will change if I speak up?
- What would help me feel safer or more supported?
- Where might one small, honest sentence create more room for me?
- What is one situation where choosing not to engage is also self-respect?
For more on Lisa Tahir’s book, The Chiron Effect, and her Psychoastrology® healing insights, visit nolatherapy.com/chiron. Learn about therapy services, or schedule a session.
